A Threat Is A Terrible Thing To Waste
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A Threat Is A Terrible Thing To Waste
by Red Witch
Summary: The Queen of the Crown tries to threaten BETA again. Unfortunately Kilbane won't give her a break.
Some idiot blew up the disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters. Just another mad fic from a mad idea blown up totally out of proportion.
"Oh look, it's our own personal ray of sunshine," Doc quipped as the Galaxy Rangers saw Senator Wheiner storm up to them in the communications room.
"What can I do for you Senator Wheiner?" Commander Walsh asked in a more pleasant tone than he wished he could use.
"It's not you that I want to talk to," Wheiner pointed at Gooseman. "The Board of Leaders is getting impatient with you Gooseman. It's been over two years since you became a Galaxy Ranger and were assigned to hunt down the renegade Supertroopers but have you brought in a single one? No!"
"It's not for lack of trying," Shane growled.
"I'm not so sure about that," Wheiner snapped. "Do you know what I just heard right now? I heard from a reliable source that those maniacs blew up an entire planet!"
"Is this the same reliable source that told you last month that you won a free car?" Shane smirked.
"That was a mix up!" Wheiner snapped. "I don't have any idea how my name appeared on the list of men who had arrest warrants!"
"Really?" Doc asked innocently.
"I wonder how that could have happened?" Shane gave his friend a knowing look.
"The point is those Supertroopers are a menace!" Wheiner snapped. "And Gooseman you haven't done your job!"
"Well maybe if the Queen of the Crown and all those other maniacs took a few weeks off I might be able to," Shane said. "The Supertroopers aren't exactly the only threats Earth has you know?"
"They're not even on the top ten list of the most dangerous," Waldo spoke out. He and Zozo were there as well.
"Ten? They're not even on the top thirty," Zozo scoffed.
"Nevertheless the Board is getting pretty impatient with your failure so if I were you Gooseman I'd better start tracking down those freaks as soon as possible? Got it?" Wheiner snarled at Shane.
"That's what the Galaxy Rangers specialize in," Doc spoke cheerfully. "Cleaning up after other people's messes."
"By the way Hartford have I thanked you for recommending that rabid piranha that is my wife's divorce attorney?" Wheiner gave him a look.
"The divorce is not going well is it?" Doc asked cheerfully.
"It is for her…" Wheiner growled. Just then there was an alarm. "Now what's going on at this lunatic asylum?"
"We're getting an incoming transmission!" A technician called out. "It's jamming all our signals."
"Greetings BETA and Galaxy Rangers," The Queen of the Crown appeared on the screen.
"See what I mean?" Shane pointed out. "If it isn't one thing it's another."
"We really should get caller ID for this thing," Doc quipped.
"I have completed a new weapon," The Queen purred. "A weapon of ultimate destruction and unstoppable power! A weapon…"
"What was that?" Commander Walsh gasped as an explosion was heard and they could see the Queen got shaken for a moment by a powerful explosion.
"Nothing," The Queen regained her composure. "Never mind. As I was saying. This is a weapon that will annihilate the League of Planets and…"
"I am making a call here!" The Queen shouted to someone off camera. "Will someone take care of that? What? Well how did he get that tank on the roof in the first place? Oh never mind! Just deal with it! Yes now! Go!"
"Is this a bad time?" Doc asked. "You want us to call back?"
"NO!" The Queen snapped. "Where was I?"
"You were threatening us with ultimate destruction and annihilation," Wheiner said. Everyone gave him a look. "What?"
"Right," The Queen remembered. "As I was saying now BETA you will bow to me or face…"
"Oh for crying out loud…" The Queen grumbled as she had been knocked off her feet by the explosion outside. "Not now! Why now?"
"Uh My Queen…" A Crown Agent off camera whispered.
"Crown Agent don't tell me what I think you are going to tell me," The Queen hissed. "Don't tell me that Kilbane blew up my latest weapon that I was going to use against BETA!"
"Uh…Yeah," The Crown Agent gulped. "Kilbane kind of did blow up your new ultimate weapon. And a few other buildings too."
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ME!" The Queen snapped. "At least not while I'm transmitting to BETA!"
"But my Queen, the weapon is completely destroyed," The Crown Agent said. "You can't use it against Earth now."
"I COULD HAVE BLUFFED!" The Queen snapped. "Then I would have used that bluff to set a trap for the Galaxy Rangers! OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD YOU MADE ME DO IT AGAIN! THANKS A LOT!"
"Hold it! Back up!" Zach held up his hand. "Kilbane just blew up your latest weapon against Earth?"
"Yes! Kilbane is running rampant on Tortuna blowing up everything in sight!" The Queen snapped. "He's gone totally nuts!"
"Gone nuts?" Shane scoffed.
"I see your point," The Queen sighed. "But this is even more psychotically deranged than usual! Last week he blew up half the spaceport and filled the other half with garbage and shaving cream! Do you have any idea how much it costs to rebuild a spaceport even with slave labor? Not to mention we still haven't gotten rid of the smell!"
"Kilbane is helping us?" Niko blinked.
"More like helping himself," Shane folded his arms. "So how did you double cross him this time, Queenie?"
"I did not double cross him!" The Queen snapped. "He ticked me off. I tried to kill him and he took it personally. And now he's taking apart my empire piece by piece! I don't know. It's so hard to get good help nowadays. It's more trouble than it's worth sometimes to run this empire. Some days I just want to give up and walk away to some tropical planet and take a vacation. Let's face it, my crown agents are idiots and…WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS?"
"Beats me," Doc said.
"I will deal with you and the League of Planets later," The Queen pointed. "Right after I take care of…WHAT? HOW DID KILLBANE SET THE ROYAL SWIMMING POOL ON FIRE? NEVER MIND!"
The transmission shut off. "Well that was a freebee," Zozo blinked.
"She's really…What is the Earth expression you humans use?" Waldo thought. "Cracking up?"
"I'd say that's pretty accurate," Zach remarked.
"She's not the only one if that transmission is even halfway accurate," Walsh grunted.
"Uh Gooseman, you remember how I was saying that you should go down and hunt the renegade Supertroopers?" Wheiner blinked.
"Yeah?" Shane knew where this was going.
"You might want to hold back on that for a while," Wheiner gulped. "I mean it's not like he's here on Earth. If he or any other Supertrooper wants to run around on Tortuna I don't see the harm in it."
"Yeah, he might blow up the Queen of the Crown before we get a chance to," Shane said sarcastically.