by Sam Newell

Rated: Unrated

I am a rock and a rock feels no pain.
Simon and Garfunkul
The wind blows softly,
Samantha Newell.

If you had asked me thirty years ago where I thought I would be today, I'd never in a million years have been able to tell you or even contemplate the numerous events that I've witnessed. 

In the past thirty years, I have changed so much that I hardly remember who I used to be. I was at first an entity, an entity whose only function in life was to dirty its hands with blood too dangerous for the normal army. Designed to have no one to care if you snuffed it. I was taught all my life to hate and not to care, I had to learn that when I was near adult hood. When I was fifteen and still at the Wolf Den, one of the other Supertroopers had an accident. He was hurt pretty bad, Walsh and Nagata were worried sick. Being a curious boy at the time, I asked Walsh why he found it necessary to waste so much time on an expendable soldier, who, even if he had survived, would be unable to fight again. Walsh stared at me for a full minute and muttered something under his breath. Even now I don't know what he said, but I only caught one word, 'monster'. From that moment on, I changed, even with the early influence of Max, I was still a killing machine with no regard for casualties. It was a long haul, but with Walsh tutoring me, I managed to gain what could be passed as human emotions, this set me apart from the others. I was criticised for being weak, when it was in actual fact I was strong, much stronger than the others. 

I have witnessed more death than anyone should ever be exposed to, but that is one of the things that shaped me and made me into the man I am today. I've also witnessed the wonder of creation, I got married and even had a kid, heck, I even have a grandkid now and I'm barely even fifty. As I look back over my life and take stock of all that's happened to me, I realise although it wasn't a feel good life and I've had more than my fair share of problems, in the end it is all worth it. Every pain that I've ever experienced is insignificant because I have the most beautiful woman in the world gently sleeping in my arms. I gently kiss her forehead and whisper, "Goodnight Niko."