Aliens have abducted the disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters. This is a very strange fic even for me. It's just pure madness folks.
"This will be a glorious day for the Zarthgon Empire," A green alien with solid purple eyes wearing a black uniform complete with a large black commander's cap stood at attention on the deck of his battle cruiser. Dozens of aliens worked around him preparing for an invasion.
"Indeed it will Commander Zel," Another similar alien in a blue uniform saluted him.
"Lieutenant Krel, prepare to jump into dimensional rift space," Commander Zel told his second in command. "Today we will conquer another pathetic insignificant universe for the glory of our empire and to strip it of it's precious metals that we need in order to make our glorious empire even more glorious!"
"Preparing the jump Sir," Krel nodded and prepared to push the buttons. "Coordinates, Sir?"
"Let us try…" Commander Zel looked at a dimensional chart in front of him. "Number One Nine Eight Nine. That dimension hasn't been explored yet. Yes, a dimension of unknown power, ripe for the taking!"
"Sir, should we summon a back up battle cruiser just in case?" Krel asked.
"Backup? Ha!" Commander Zel laughed. "Very amusing Krel. This is one of the empire's largest and most powerful battle cruisers! Thousands of worlds have fallen due to it's might and superior fire power! No! We can handle this on our own! Jump to the coordinates at once!"
"By your command, sir," Krel obeyed. Soon they traveled through a dimensional rift filled with colorful lights and ended up in another dimension. "We have now entered Dimension 1989."
"Excellent," Commander Zel looked at the monitor. "Look at it. Look at those mountains! Those valleys! Those rocky…things over there. And all those other strange structures."
"Sir! Commander Sir!" One alien soldier saluted. "We are already detecting large quantities of metal in the mountains and on the ground sir!"
"Already? Excellent!" Commander Zel grinned an evil grin. "This pathetic little universe shall be conquered within…GREAT GOOGGLY MOOGLY WHAT IS THAT?"
"It's some kind of metal monster!" Krel gasped. "A monster!"
Outside the battle cruiser standing right in front of it was a giant pink bird with straight blond feather like hair wearing a purple lab coat and a pink and black striped tie.
"Hello!" Bubblehead chirped gleefully. "Are you the pizza delivery guy?"
"What is it doing?" Commander Zel gasped.
"The S pipe is connected to the drainpipe," Bubblehead chirped at the spaceship that was no bigger than a mouthwash bottle. "The drainpipe is connected to the waste systems…The waste systems are connected to…Actually I forgot what they're connected to."
"It must be some kind of code, sir," Krel told his commander. "Perhaps it is trying to communicate with us?"
"Oh really? Activate the communications system," Commander Zel then spoke as the intercom was turned on. "Giant Inferior Being! You are about to be conquered by the great and powerful Zarthgon Empire! Prepare to tremble in fear!"
"So no pizza then?" Bubblehead blinked. "Not even some nachos? What a rip off!"
"What's all the racket in here?" Shane Gooseman walked into the kitchen. "I just got off duty and…And what is that?"
"I think it's the pizza delivery guy, but he forgot his pizzas," Bubblehead told him.
"Another giant!" Krel gasped. "A real big one!"
"Bah! So they're a little tall in this dimension! No matter!" Commander Zel snorted. "Do not forget Krel that we are invaders from Zarthgon! We are unstoppable!"
"Yeah but do they know that?" Krel pointed to the giant aliens outside.
"Bubblehead please tell me you did not do this!" Shane groaned.
"I don't think so," Bubblehead blinked.
"Attention inferior giant beings," Commander Zel spoke to the aliens through the ship's communication system. "I am Commander Zel of the Zarthgon Empire! And I claim this uncharted area of the universe in the name of the Zarthgon Empire and his Most High Majesty Emperor Loui Prima Baba Loui Angelina Zooma Zooma the Fourteenth and his Beloved Royal Consort and Companion For Life…Steve."
"I swear my life gets crazier and crazier by the day," Shane blinked. "This is a dream right? I'm dreaming this."
"You too?" Bubblehead blinked. "Boy great minds do think alike!"
"Or insane ones…" Shane grumbled.
"We require your precious metals to serve our glorious empire!" Commander Zel continued, his tinny voice booming through the megaphone. "Metals such as that large obelisk with the pointy things on the surface there!"
"You mean this?" Shane held up a stray fork. "A fork?"
"Yes! Your forks! We require them for our Empire!" Commander Zel shouted. "Surrender them now or prepare to face the consequences!"
"Can't you guys just get them at the store like everyone else?" Bubblehead blinked.
"Most guys get ants and cockroaches in their apartments," Shane groaned. "I get memory birds and aliens!"
"Can I play with it?" Bubblehead asked. "I wonder how it works?" He lightly rapped on the top of the ship with his wing. "Hello? Goodbye!"
"OW! OW! STOP THAT!" Commander Zel and every other alien inside the ship screamed in agony as the ringing vibrated through the ship. "THAT HURTS! MY EARS! KNOCK IT OFF! THAT'S IT! FIRE THE BLORTHOG CANNONS!"
"The Planet Destroyers sir?" Krel gasped. "Don't you think that's a little extreme?"
"Babba loooooo!" Bubblehead played the ship like a pair of bongos.
"NO!" Commander Zel screamed. "FIRE!"
Tiny little metal balls smaller than M&Ms shot out of the front of the ship. They harmlessly bounced off of Bubblehead's chest. "Uh, you dropped something," Bubblehead pointed to the little metal balls on the counter.
"FIRE AGAIN!" Commander Zel shouted. The ship did with the same effect.
"Hey! I just had this lab coat cleaned!" Bubblehead protested.
"Sir! Our planet destroyers have no effect!" Krel reported.
"That can't be good," Another alien remarked from the back.
"You are the rudest pizza delivery guy I have every met!" Bubblehead put his wings on his hips and gave the ship an angry scowl. "No tip for you!"
"Look I don't know who the hell or what the hell you are," Shane rubbed his forehead. "Obviously you're in over your heads so I'm going to cut you a break and…"
"Silence! Giant Alien Filth!" Commander Zel shouted through the intercom. "We are the mighty Zarthgon Invaders! Even the Ancient Gods fall to our might! We shall conquer your pathetic, admittedly very large world and take all your forks for our own uses! And there is nothing, nothing you can do to stop us! MUAH HA HA HA HA!"
"Sic 'em, bird," Shane growled.
"Try your worst you…AAAAHHH!" Commander Zel screamed as Bubblehead pecked the outside of the battle cruiser.
"Come out, come out whatever you are!" Bubblehead sang.
"THE RINGING! THE RINGING!" Commander Zel held his hands over his diminutive ears. "EVASIVE MANEUVERS!"
"Hey don't go away!" Bubblehead flew after the ship. "You just got here! CHARGE!"
"I TOLD YOU WE NEEDED BACKUP!" Krel screamed at the top of his lungs. "BUT DO YOU LISTEN TO ME? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"SHUT UP AND FLY THE SHIP!" Commander Zel snapped at him. "Where are the lasers? Fire the lasers!"
Of course the lasers were not very powerful. All they did was sting Bubblehead. "So you wanna play rough eh?" Bubblehead charged. "RRRRRRUMMMBLEEEEE!"
"Lasers are not working Commander!" Krel screamed. "REPEAT! NOT WORKING! WHAT DO WE DO NOW?"
"HOW SHOULD I KNOW?" Commander Zel snapped. "THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!"
"I am Bubblehead! Hear me roar!" Bubblehead squawked with glee.
"This is one of the stupidest…" Shane groaned.
"Goose! Come in Gooseman!" Doc's voice came over the communicator. "We may have a situation! Our computers have detected an anomaly within BETA. It's…"
"Let me guess," Shane interrupted him. "Some kind of interdimensional rift possibly powered by an unknown alien vessel?"
"Yeah how did you know?" Doc's voice was surprised.
"Lucky guess," Shane sighed as Bubblehead chased the Zarthgon battle cruiser around the apartment. "By the way the unknown aliens are called Zarthgons and they're here to conquer my kitchen and steal my silverware."
"Say what?" Doc asked. "You joking my Gooseman?"
"I wish," Shane groaned.
"AAAHHHHHHH!" Commander Zel screamed in terror as Bubblehead finally caught up to the ship and pecked at it mercilessly. "WE HAVE A HULL BREACH! WE HAVE A HULL BREACH! ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!"
"So there are aliens in your apartment?" Doc asked.
"You got it," Shane said casually as he watched the diminutive invaders abandon their vessel and flee for their lives in tiny flying ships and in some cases parachutes.
"AAHHH! WE'RE DOOMED! DOOMED! ALL IS LOST! HELP! MOMMY!" The aliens screamed as Bubblehead turned his attention away from the ship and started going after them.
"I am Rhodan! CAW! CAWW!" Bubblehead dive bombed the aliens.
"Hang on Goose! I'm calling security! We'll be down there with a squad in…" Doc began.
"Nah I think Bubblehead and I have got this covered," Shane sat down on a nearby sofa and calmly watched Bubblehead drive the aliens berserk. "On second thought come on down and bring some popcorn. This is better than Tri-D!"
"Bubblehead?" Doc's voice seemed very bewildered. "You did say Bubblehead right?"
"RAT TAT TAT TAT TAT!" Bubblehead imitated machine gun fire as he chased the aliens. "DIVE! DIVE!"
"Gotta admit the little feather duster has grown on me," Shane grinned. "I'll see you in a bit Doc."
Commander Zel had managed to make it to the coffee table next to the sofa using a tiny jet pack. "You may think you have won this day Alien Scum with your Bird of Destruction! But take note of this! We shall be back! Back! Back to spell your doom! DOOOOOOOM! You have not heard the last of Commander Zel and the mighty Zarthgon Empire!"
Shane casually picked up a newspaper, rolled it up and…
"Okay…" Commander Zel staggered around. "You've heard the last of us…Ooh birdies!" He fell flat on his face.
"I can't wait to write the report on this one," Shane rolled his eyes.