Cops In Space



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Cops In Space

by Red Witch

Rated: K+

Summary: There is no such thing as a normal Galaxy Ranger Patrol, as a certain android finds out the hard way.

The disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters has sped off on a high speed chase. I'm not doing this for any money. I'm just bored. And I hope you will be a little less bored after reading this.


"This is the final frontier. A vast expansion of cold lawless emptiness. We have assembled a unique team of individuals, committed to the highest ideas of justice. And dedicated to bringing law and order across the new frontier. This is their story. These are the adventures of the Galaxy Rangers!"

"Buzzwang get that stupid camera out of my face," Shane Gooseman growled as he was trying to fly the Ranger One.

"I'm just trying to set the mood," Buzzwang told him. "Make the whole thing sound a bit more dramatic."

"Buzzwang, it's just a routine patrol on the eastern boundary of League Space," Zach told him. He and Goose were the only rangers besides Buzzwang on the ship.

"Yes but as you well know Captain Foxx, routine patrols often turn into something less than routine," Buzzwang said. "Anything can happen and I intend to film it all! It is my new special project!"

"You really think this is a good idea?" Zach asked.

"Of course Captain Foxx," Buzzwang said. "I believe it is important for the people to know just how dangerous being a Galaxy Ranger is. This film will show the harsh conditions which we work under. The gritty details of life patrolling the stars! How we Galaxy Rangers never rest until evil is thwarted and justice is upheld!"


"Oh! The hot chocolate is ready!" Buzzwang said cheerfully as he went in back to take care of things.

"Zachery, remind me again why we just don't toss him out an air lock and claim he went for a very long walk?" Shane gave him a look.

"Look I know Buzzwang can be a little annoying sometimes," Zach said. "Okay very annoying. But his heart is in the right place."

"Too bad it's his brain is the one that's out of whack. No wonder Commander Walsh shoved him on us at the last minute," Shane grumbled.

"A documentary on being a Galaxy Ranger is a good idea, in theory."

"So was building the Titanic and look what happened there," Shane quipped.

"Wait are you talking about the boat or the starship?" Zach asked.

"What's the difference? They both crashed on a hunk of frozen ice," Shane grumbled. Then the sensors went off. "We're picking up a distress call…Wait, make that two distress calls."

"Oh goody!" Buzzwang ran up with his camera. "Jackpot! That is what you say isn't it?"

"I could say a lot more," Shane grumbled under his breath. "Look at that! Recognize one of those ships?"

"It's the Iron Falcon!" Zach said. "That's Kidd's ship!"

"HELP! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY HELP!" Captain Kidd appeared on screen. "OW!"

A small alien child wearing a helmet and white marks on his face was on his back. "You say you're sorry, you sidewinder!" Marrok the alien child yelled.

"Marrok? The kid with the toys?" Shane blinked.

A small robot face that looked like a light green Native American popped up. "TV! TV! PARTY TONIGHT!"

Then a small cowboy robot showed up. "WHOOO DOGGY! IT'S A HOEDOWN!"

"Oh great!" Shane groaned. "Those things again!"

"BANZAI!" A ninja robot in black shouted.

"Okay, that's new," Shane blinked.

"Come on, we'd better get over there and find out what's going on," Zach sighed.

Soon they had boarded Kidd's ship. It was in complete chaos. Pirates were being chased all over the place by toy cowboys, Indians, and ninjas.

"AAAAHHHH!" One pirate ran by with several arrows sticking out of his posterior. He was being chased by Indians.

Another pirate ran by being chased by tiny ninjas with tiny shuriken in his backside. "OW! THOSE POINTY THINGS HURT!"

"EEEEHHH!" Squeegee was being chased by more ninjas. "BOOTY HURT!"

Another pirate was being forced to dance by tiny cowboys while a few more were tied up and being beaten about by the diminutive robot force. "This is quite unusual," Buzzwang remarked as he filmed the entire thing.

"This is nuts that's what it is," Shane looked around.

"Thank heavens Galaxy Rangers!" HAR-V, Marrok's guardian robot twittered. "It's good that you're finally here to save Marrok and us from these pirates!"

"Save you from the pirates?" Zach did a double take.

"Yes we were flying around in outer space minding our own business when we were beset upon by these vicious ruffians," HAR-V sniffed.

"I WANT MY MOMMY!" A pirate screamed in agony.

"Yeah these guys were jerks!" Marrok had jumped off of Kidd's back. Kidd was lying on the floor.

"Wait a minute, do your parents know that you're just flying around here all by yourself in outer space?" Shane asked Marrok.

"It was their idea," Marrok replied. "They wanted me to take my toys and go off for a little bit while my Dad repaired the east wing of the house. My new ninja robots kind of got a little carried away."

"Yeah I get it," Shane winced as more pirates ran for their lives.

"Let me see if I get this straight," Zach sighed. "Kidd you tried to hijack Marrok's ship but you ended up getting hijacked instead?"

"What a revolting development," Kidd moaned. "Oh my aching beak!"

"In an almost karmic turn of events, the pirates of this vessel have been overpowered by the very target they wanted to rob," Buzzwang said as he filmed a pirate bound to an upright stick and on top of what looked like firewood.

"COULD YOU PUT DOWN THE CAMERA AND HELP ME HERE?" The overwhelmed pirate screamed as an Indian lit a match.

"Please Galaxy Rangers arrest them!" Kidd begged.

"You want us to arrest them for defending themselves against you when you tried to rob them?" Zach gave him a look.

"Okay! Then arrest me! Just get me away from here before…" Suddenly an alarm sounded. "Oh no…"

"Captain! There's another ship approaching!" Kidd's helmsman yelled. "It's the Velvet Peacock!"

"Uh oh…" Kidd seemed to blanch. "Not now. Not her! Not here!"

"Is it the Queen of the Crown?" Buzzwang asked.

"Worse!" Kidd whimpered. "It's my wife!"

"AVAST YE! YER SCURVY KNAVE!" A female bird alien that looked like a white chicken with a large peacock tail burst in waving a rolling pin. Behind her she had five alien bird children. "KIDD YOU ARE IN A LOAD OF TROUBLE HERE! AND WHAT SORT OF NONSENSE IS THIS? WHO ARE YE?"

"I am Captain Zachery Foxx of the Galaxy Rangers. I'm afraid your husband is in a bit of trouble with the law," Zach told her.

"What has he done now?" Mrs. Kidd folded her arms.

"For starters he wrecked my toys!" Marrok whined.

"Toys?" Mrs. Kidd blinked as she saw the insanity going on.

"Madame I am afraid your husband attempted to commander our vehicle forcibly," HAR-V told her. "And Master Marrok's toys were forced to act in self defense."

"I see," Mrs. Kidd fumed. Then she whacked Kidd on the head with the rolling pin. "YOU LOW DOWN FOWL!"

"OW! Darling!" Kidd rubbed his head.

"Don't Darling me! Ye ought to be ashamed of yerself you bilge swilling, thumb sucking, duty shirking, low life!" Mrs. Kidd screamed in Kidd's face. "It's bad enough when you steal from your own children! You have to steal from other wee one's too?"

"He steals our toys all the time!" A small bird boy chirped. "And he breaks them because he doesn't know how to play with them properly."

"Oh my mother was right about you!" Mrs. Kidd screeched at her husband. "She warned me! She told me that you were nothing but a worthless bottom feeder that could only steal from a blind man! And she was right! No, wait, you can't even do that right!"

"Look how was I supposed to know this was a lousy target?" Kidd snapped. "I was just trying to provide for you and the kids!"

"Provide for me and the children! That's a good one!" Mrs. Kidd snapped. "Provide for yer drinking and gambling is more like it! Oh why couldn't you be like my father! Now there was a pirate!"

"Oh no, here we go again…" Kidd put his hand on his beak.

"My father didn't go after helpless children and steal toys like a blundering blatherskite! No!" Mrs. Kidd shrieked. "He went after real prizes! Imperial ships! Royal treasury flotillas! Guarded fortresses in the middle of deadly jungles! Under oceans of poisonous water filled with deadly sea monsters!"

"Yeah, yeah Daddy was Mister Perfect Pirate!" Kidd snapped. "I've heard this story before! But you seem to be forgetting the little footnote which was that he never had time for you and you married me to get back at him!"

"Oh I know I made a huge mistake with that one! Going for looks over brains!" Mrs. Kidd shrieked. "I should have chosen Cocono! Okay he wasn't much to look at but at least he knew what he was doing! Or Manatna! He was a first mate when he was only twelve and had his own ship by the time he was fifteen! True his breath could scrape the wallpaper off the walls but he was a fine catch! And I threw him over for a second rate cabin boy on my father's ship just because he was cute!"

"Hold on," Shane interrupted. "Out of all your suitors, Kidd was the best looking?"

"It's not that hard to believe," Kidd huffed.

"SHADDAP!" Mrs. Kidd screeched in his face. "Children! There's a lesson to be learned here! Never marry for looks! Because beauty fades, but stupidity is forever!"

"So what? Do we arrest Kidd or do we give him what he really deserves by leaving him alone with her?" Shane asked Zach.

"I'm thinking it over," Zach smirked.

"Hi! I'm Marrok," The boy said to the Kidd Kids. "You wanna play?"

"SURE!" The Kidd Kids said happily. They ran off to play.

"SERIOUSLY! IT'S GETTING HOT OVER HERE!" The pirate tied to the stake screamed.

"EEEHKKK!" Squeegee screamed as it ran for it's life away from both robots and noisy children.

Mrs. Kidd was now vigorously hitting her husband with the rolling pin. "Lying, cheating, no good son of a biscuit eating bilge rat! When I tell my mother what you did and what you put me through…"

"No! Sweetie! Not that! Anything but that! OW! OW! OW!" Kidd screamed as he ran for his life. "She's an even bigger battle ax than you are! I mean…"

"Oh you gonna be paying for that! You are gonna sleep on the couch for months!" Mrs. Kidd screamed as she chased him around.

"I believe this has now become a domestic dispute," Buzzwang kept narrating for the camera.

"Buzzwang, give me the camera," Shane held out his hand.

"But…" Buzzwang blinked.

"Do it, Buzzwang," Zach growled. "That's an order!"

"All right, I suppose it wouldn't hurt if you did a little editing or something," Buzzwang gave Shane the camera.

"Or something, yeah," Shane remarked before tossing the camera into the air and blasting it to pieces with his weapon.

"Ranger Gooseman!" Buzzwang gasped. "Now no one will know exactly what happened here! There's no proof!"

"Exactly!" Shane snapped.

"Trust me Buzzwang," Zach sighed. "The less people know what our lives are really like, the better!"