Bubblehead The Oxymoron



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Bubblehead The Oxymoron

by Red Witch

Rated: T

Summary: Bubblehead asks a lot of questions. Too bad no one found the answer on how to shut him up.

I just had a thought, nothing is mine so why do I keep writing? The Galaxy Rangers aren't mine. This idea isn't mine. It came from some e-mail spam I got. So why do it? Oh yeah, because I'm insane!

"Gooseman what is your crazy bird doing now?" Doc asked as he and Shane walked into the Rec Room and saw Bubblehead.

"Ooohhhhhhhhhmmmmmm," Bubblehead had his eyes closed and was sitting yogi style on a table.

"I'm always afraid to ask," Shane sighed. "Hey Bubblehead. What are you doing?"

"I'm thinking," Bubblehead told him.

"Good," Doc said. "It's always nice to try new things."

"I'm thinking about the mysteries of the universe," Bubblehead said in an unusually serious voice.

"Such as?" Shane raised an eyebrow. "I ask even though I know the answer will bring me nothing but a headache."

"Then why do you ask?" Doc ask.

"Because odds are it will give you a headache too," Shane gave him a look. "Besides I'm bored."

"That's a good reason as any," Bubblehead chirped as he opened his eyes.

"Okay so what mysteries of the universe are you pondering oh Bubble Headed One?" Doc quipped.

"Well…" Bubblehead thought. "How come people drive on a parkway but park in a driveway?"

"That's because…" Shane stopped. "You know I don't know that one. Doc?"

"Well uh…" Doc blinked. "I don't know either."

"And why is toilet paper made up of tiny squares while tissue paper is made up of big squares?" Bubblehead asked. "Think about it. Think about which areas of the body they work on and see if that makes any sense!"

"You know it doesn't," Doc admitted.

"And why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?" Bubblehead asked. "It sticks everywhere else on the outside. Believe me I've tested this theory."

"Commander Cain can attest to that," Shane groaned. "How exactly did you manage to glue all his alcohol bottles to the ceiling?"

"Another thing, if a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?" Bubblehead asked. "And if Webster wrote the first dictionary, how did he know where he could find the correct spelling of words?"

"Uh…" Shane blinked.

"And why isn't 'phonics' spelled the way it sounds?" Bubblehead asked. "How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word? And why do words like overlook and oversee mean two different things?"

"Well…" Doc didn't know the answers either.

"And why does 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing?" Bubblehead kept asking. "And the same goes with the phrases 'fat chance' and 'slim chance'! They mean the exact same thing!"

"This is the kind of stuff you think about all day?" Shane asked. "No wonder you're always confused."

"Why do people say 'after dark' when it's really 'after light'?" Bubblehead chirped. "When they go to a ballgame why do people sing the song 'Take Me Out To the Ballgame' when they are already there? And why are the bleachers called stands when people mostly sit on them?"

"Well that's because…" Doc started. "Okay I don't know."

"Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?" Bubblehead went on. "Why are do phrases 'wise man' and 'wise guy' mean different things? Why do tugboats push their barges? Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? And why do we need to wash bath towels? Aren't they clean already?"

"Okay that last one is kind of important…" Doc began.

"If two wrongs don't make a right, why do three rights make a left?" Bubblehead kept going. "Why do people press harder on a remote control when they know the batteries are dead? Is it good if a vacuum cleaner really sucks? And why do people say something is out of whack? What is a whack in the first place?"

"Keep going Bubblehead and I will show you the definition of whacked," Shane told him.

"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" Bubblehead kept asking. "If you are cross eyed and have dyslexia, can you read perfectly? And Christmas: What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?"

"You know I've wondered that last one myself from time to time," Shane thought.

"My head is starting to hurt," Doc groaned.

"If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?" Bubblehead flung open his wings. "And doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected? I don't know! I just think of these things!"

"I wish you wouldn't," Shane groaned.

"Guys what's going on?" Niko walked in.

"Bubblehead is making my brain hurt," Doc groaned. "Make him stop Niko!"

"Hey Niko, Doc had a question for you," Bubblehead said. "Why is a bra singular and panties plural?"

"WHAT?" Niko whirled on Doc.

"NO! HE LIES!" Doc shouted. "I wondered why glue doesn't stick to the inside of a bottle! Not that!"

"Oh so you were gonna glue some bras and panties?" Bubblehead asked, clearly confused.

"DOC WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?" Niko shouted.

"Niko! No he's lying! I swear!" Doc backed away from Niko. "Bubblehead I swear I am going to…AAAHH! NIKO! NO!"

"Come back here and explain yourself Doc!" Niko shouted as she chased after him.

"Well at least something good came out of this," Shane said as he watched his girlfriend chase Doc.

"Hey Goose," Bubblehead fluttered onto his shoulder. "Whatcha thinkin' about?"

"I've got a thought," Shane groaned. "If being a Galaxy Ranger is so great, why do they have to pay us to be one?"