Bubblehead's Briefing



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Bubblehead's Briefing

by Red Witch

Rated: K+

Summary: Is it possible for someone to hold an intelligence briefing when they don't have any?

It's a fact! No Galaxy Rangers characters do I own! Except of course Commander Cain. He is such fun to torture! He he…

"Cain? Ca-aaiin! Wakey wakey!" Bubblehead rapped on Cain's head with his wing.

"Aaggh!" Commander Cain woke up. "Bubblehead? Oh God please tell me I'm having a nightmare!"

"Nope, It's just little ol' me! Thought I'd visit you!" Bubblehead chirped.

"In the middle of the night? While I was sleeping in my own quarters!" Cain yelled at the bird on the bed.

"I wanted to make sure you were home," Bubblehead said honestly.

"What are you doing in my room?" Cain snapped. "Besides robbing me of both my sleep and my will to stay sober?"

"I have important information! Stuff you need to know!" Bubblehead chirped.

"Oh what the hell? I'm only going to get up again in three hours anyway," Cain sat up. "Spill it bird. Before I spill your contents all over the hallway."

"Ahem!" Bubblehead coughed then stood proudly. "Leonardo De Vinci invented the scissors!"

"I see…" Cain blinked. "Did you actually say something or was I just being groggy?"

"There are more chickens in the world than people!" Bubblehead threw up his wings.

"No, you actually are talking," Cain sighed. "I wish it was the grogginess. You'd make more sense."

"Peanuts are an important component of dynamite!" Bubblehead told him. "And there's more!"

"Go on…" Cain rolled his eyes. Then spoke mostly to himself. "He said knowing the stupid bird was just going to keep talking anyway."

"Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated!" Bubblehead said proudly. "I tested this myself!"

"Really? I can think of another experiment with refrigerators we can do," Cain said. "Wanna try it?"

"Did you know that 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time?" Bubblehead said. "It refers to 1/100th of a second!"

"It's also the same amount of time my patience has left!" Cain threw the bird off the bed.

"No word rhymes with Month, Silver, Orange or Purple!" Bubblehead squawked as he flew around the room.

"No but there is a word that rhymes with Bubblehead!" Cain started to chase him around. "DEAD!"

"Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with the left hand!" Bubblehead kept quoting facts as he flew around. "Lollipop is the longest word typed with the right! Typewriter is the longest word that can be made using letters from only one row on a board! The average person's left hand does 50 percent of typing! Dreamt is the only word that ends in 'mt'!"

"M-T like your head!" Cain snapped. "Where the hell is my blaster?"

"Snails sleep for 3 years!" Bubblehead squawked. "February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon!"

"And tomorrow will be the day I send you to the moon!" Cain snapped as he found his blaster.

"Two words have all five vowels in order! Abstentious and facetious!" Bubblehead dodged the blasts. "Four words end in -dous! Tremendous, horrendous, stupendous and hazardous!"

"And they all describe you!" Cain shouted. "You are a tremendous, horrendous, stupendous and hazardous pain in the AAAAAAHH!" He stubbed his toe on the chair.

Shane and Doc ran in. "Sir are you all right? Bubblehead!"

"I guess that answers that question," Doc remarked. "Sorry Sir. He got out. We were trying to get him before he caused any trouble…"

"It's a bit late for that!" Cain snapped. "He barges in here, wakes me up and starts spouting nonsense and stupid trivia!"

"Do I even want to know why, you insane bird?" Shane sighed.

"I saw this e-mail going around and I found so much information! The people have to know! Knowledge is power!" Bubblehead said.

"Not as much as a blaster in the hands of a very angry Commanding Officer," Cain's eye twitched. "All this was over some stupid e-mail?"

"Did you know goldfish only have a memory span of only three seconds?" Bubblehead asked. "What were we talking about again?"

"Something that has better memory retention than you," Shane moaned. "Bubblehead you should know better not to bother the Commander with your insanity!"

"But it's all true! I read it in an e-mail!" Bubblehead explained. "Someone had to tell him!"

"Couldn't you have just sent Cain that e-mail you read?" Doc asked.

"Oh yeah," Bubblehead blinked. "That would have worked too wouldn't it?"

"Gooseman…Hartford…" Cain snarled. "YOU TWO ARE ON REPORT!"

"Why me? Bubblehead is Goose's bird!" Doc protested.

"Because its not enough just to punish Gooseman anymore! And besides, you're the computer whiz! You should have been able to fix this bird a long time ago!" Cain shouted.

"But…" Doc protested.

"You two are going to personally wash and wax every single ship in all the hangar bays and then I'm going to assign you some really hard work!" Cain shouted.

"Here's a fun fact I just learned," Shane sighed. "E-mails are the cause of a lot of problems in the workplace."